Musings
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 28
Another good day–how lovely that they’re more frequent and I kinda think that writing is helping that happen. Another thing that’s happening is that the people in my head are talking to me again. Ideas are spinning round and I’m plotting and dialoguing and building characters. I’m in Discovery–which, according to my wondrous editor Lani involves not just thinking about my book, but also absorbing narrative with books and movies and TV. I didn’t do a soundtrack for my last book, but this one, I think, needs a soundtrack, so I’ve started listening to music on my iPod and figuring out which songs will work for this story. And I’m…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 26
I’m early today because it’s been a good day, so I’m posting this now and then I’m going to spend the evening cuddling with Husband on the sofa and… well… elsewhere later on. Hey, I’m a romance novelist–it’s my privilege to be a little racy now and again, right? We went to church and I only cried a little. Honestly, the folks in that dear congregation are going to think my eyes are permanently damp and red-rimmed. But you know, it was better this Sunday. No big overwhelming choking feeling in my throat, no deep ache in my heart. Just a little sadness that Kate wasn’t sitting beside me in…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 25
Clarity–is that even anything that’s possible? Maybe I’m trying to find something that will never be there, trying to make sense of something that won’t ever make sense. I don’t buy that God wanted Kate with him or that her cancer and death were his will for her. I think that’s crap. If I don’t believe that it’s always God’s will that people are healthy and strong and that we live, then that shakes the very foundation of my faith. I have to know that God is a loving father and no loving father would ever want for his child to be sick or to die. I do know that.…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 23
I just realized tonight that I missed my friend Mary’s birthday on April 10. I feel really crappy about that because I’ve never missed at least sending her a note on her birthday. She was a good friend of my mom’s when we were growing up and has been a good friend of mine since I’ve grown up. I remember how much I admired her when I was a kid. (I still do!) She always seemed confident and in charge. I know now that her life had difficulties just like everyone’s did, but when I was a child, I thought I wanted to be like her when I grew up–a…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 22
I said yesterday that we’re having a true Midwest springtime this year, and so we are. Today has been gray and chilly–like in the 30s and 40s chilly–with the occasional burst of sunshine. The last few years, we’ve just skipped spring and went from winter to hot summer, so this is unusual. I’m glad though because one thing I like about living in the Midwest (there are lots of things, actually) is experiencing all four seasons. However, I confess I spent the afternoon in the cottage and even now, I’m wrapped in a sweater and a blanket. This morning, we went to Bailey’s Discount Center–a giant warehouse of…well, stuff. It’s…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 21
Yeah, I missed it again. I’d like to say I have a great excuse, but of course, I don’t. This time it was the wine. I wasn’t stinko or anything like that, but we had a dinner guest here at the lake. We had a fabulous meal (compliments of Husband’s and my committee effort of spaghetti and salad and bruschetta) and even more fabulous conversation, and of course… fabulous wine. We opened a bottle of 2010 Rancho Zabaco zin…man, is this stuff good wine with pasta! We shared it and then finished the bottle of merlot we had already opened yesterday, so I was mellow. More mellow than I thought,…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 20
I’ve been thinking a lot about the new book, well, books. Truthfully, I thought I was tired of Willow Bay, but now, I’m wondering if maybe I was just tired in general because ideas are popping. Saturday’s Making Magic miniconference helped stoke my creative fire and Lani Diane Rich’s words helped me more than I can say. She reminded me that what I do is important work–it’s bringing joy and escape and love to people’s lives. Confession? I often feel the need to apologize for my books. How dumb is that? Kate would probably smack me upside the head if she were here. Hell, she was the one who went…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 19
I didn’t cry today. That’s not good or bad news, particularly, it’s just what it was. It isn’t that I felt too empty to cry–I didn’t. It isn’t that I was deliriously happy all day–I wasn’t. And it isn’t that I didn’t think of Kate at all today–I did. Several times actually. But I was content today, just doing ordinary things–it was a normal pre-December 19, 2014 day… and the pain in my side is gone. Is that a start? I don’t know, but it feels fragile and like I want to protect and nurture this feeling… this peace… Five Things I’m Grateful for Today: Our yard is greening up.…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 18
I spent the whole day at the IRWA Making Magic Miniconference and frankly, I’m too tired to think, let alone write. It was a great event and seeing Lani and Alastair again was fantastic! They were inspiring and I think there’s a chance I may be ready to start work on the new book again… Thanks to the conference committee who did a wonderful job with planning, decorations, and food–everything went off without a hitch. Jillian Jacobs, Tia Catalina, Mellanie Szereto, and Tippi Hickey put together a fantastic event! Five Things I’m Grateful for Today, Spending two days with Liz Spending time with Lani and Alastair Making Magic was truly…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 17
It’s late and I’ve been going strong all day with barely a moment to think about much of anything except getting ready for the IRWA Making Magic Miniconference. Liz arrive this morning, she and I finished our raffle basket (it’s great!), and then headed downtown to meet Lani and Alastair, who came in from New York to be our speakers at the event. It has so wonderful to spend time with Liz, who always makes me feel safe and loved–she is a blessing. I lost it a little when I saw Lani, who immediately hugged me tight and said, “Oh, baby, it’s so good to see you.” She’s been a…