Sunday Snippet: The I Got Nothin’ Edition

So the scene is this: mid-morning at my desk. I’m looking out the office window where a crimson cardinal is perched on the lamp post in my garden. The skies are gray and dreary and cold, so I’m resisting the urge to go outside and get my steps in anyway. Besides, that means I’d actually have to rise from my chair and I’m disinclined.

It’s been a long, very hard winter so far and not particularly because of the weather. That part’s been pretty typical of a Midwestern winter–some snow, some bitter cold days, some surprisingly warm ones. No, it’s not the weather, although I have to confess I’d much rather my office garden looked like the first picture instead of how it looks now. (I just went out and took the second photo and scared the cardinal away when I opened the door.)

It feels as though I’m in a fog, in a state of…I don’t know what. Not confusion exactly, but more like I’m trying to walk through half-set jello. Writing and editing are okay, but I’m disorganized and scattered. I have the attention span of a very small child. Even simple things like housework require more effort than it feels like I want to spend. For reasons I’ll share another time, I’m hyper-aware of my body, which is annoying hell out of me because, seriously, do I really need to be any more aware of my physical self? I don’t think so.

My life suddenly has an other-wordly aura about it and that seems to be making working and going about my normal activities difficult. I have a full schedule of editing work ahead of me, a nearly completed novel poking at my consciousness because the deadline is closing in fast. I love editing and writing, yet I find my focus sorely lacking. I’m certain the state of our nation and current events and my fear about what is happening in our country play a huge part in my distraction, but usually, I’m better at compartmentalizing.

Last night we had dinner and game night with friends and the subject of vacations came up. I’ve been such a hermit this winter and have barely left my house. On the other hand, that wicked restlessness is rearing its little head, and I’ve been looking at VRBOs on my lunch hour and wondering how lovely it would be to see Lake Michigan again or maybe Montana or even the south of France.

So what does any of this have to do with the cardinal chirping outside my window or the February gloom or the hope of sunshine or the fact that it’s Sunday morning and I’m still sitting at my desk not having even opened the file for current work-in-progress. That I haven’t had the energy to look at social media and have barely said hello to Liz on gChat.

Absolutely nothing…and I think that’s my point…

Gratitude for This Week: We saw an Abba tribute band this week–it was fun; I saw a hawk on the roof of our shed yesterday; Moe sent pictures of the deer in her back yard;  we got haircuts and now we’re both quite lovely; a fun, warm evening with family who are also friends.

Stay well, stay safe (respiratory illness is everywhere, so mask up when it makes sense to do so and it’s not too late to get vaccinated), always choose kindness, and most of all, mes amis, stay grateful!