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Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 13
Yeah,well, maybe not so much. These posts can’t all be brilliant or even interesting for that matter. I’m almost halfway through my 30 days of blogging and my creative well is about as empty as it’s ever been tonight. Well, maybe it’s not really empty…maybe I’m just not able to reach far enough down right now to capture any great thoughts. I don’t even really have much in the way of feelings today–it was just a blah one. Nothing all that fascinating happened. It was raining when we first woke up, so we snuggled under the blankets and went back to sleep. We ran some errands after we got motivated…
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Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 12
So–church. Today is Sunday and you know, Sunday seems to be hardest day of the week for me right now, and yet also the best day. That’s weird, I know, but it’s me, so what else is new, right? But here’s the thing, on Sundays when we’re in town, I’m attending the church where PJ and Kate are members and I like it. To be honest, I’m probably the worst church person in the world because I don’t show up every single Sunday and I’m not a great joiner. But Husband and I transferred our membership to this church on Palm Sunday because…well, because it’s the first time in 25…
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Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 11
Today was another funeral–well, visitation for us. Kate’s ex-husband died last week of congestive heart failure, so we went by to pay our respects even though we really haven’t had much contact with him in the over thirty years since their divorce. My heart breaks for their son and daughter (my niece and nephew), who’ve lost both their parents in the space of about 4 months. They’re both hanging in, but dear god, how painful must it be? All her little grandkids were there and I wondered how hard it must have been on their parents to tell them they’d lost another grandparent… Kate loved babies–oh, man, did she ever…
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Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 10
It’s National Siblings Day. All day, I’ve ached with missing Kate, but I have PJ and my brother, Bud, so I’m not feeling at all sibling-less–just less-siblinged, I guess. That’s all of four plus an assortment of kids, spouses, partners, etc. When we were kids, our dad left us–I actually remember that day clearly even though I was only 6 years old at the time. But I’m not going to think about him, except to say that I think it may have made us closer as kids to only have Mom. She was so busy when he first left, going to school and working full time to keep food on…
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Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 9
We ended up staying at the lake an extra day–it was raining and stormy and the thought of packing up just didn’t appeal, so we decided to hang out until tomorrow morning. So glad we did because we got to spend an extra beer-30 with our pals, which brings me so much happiness. And you know, right now, I’m very selfish about stuff that makes me happy. I need the happy. A break in the rain allowed for a walk–not as far as yesterday because the break didn’t last long, but we did the park road and down to the docks. The lake has cleared some with the storm and…
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Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 8
I walked the bay today–well, I guess that what you’d call what I did. I walked the whole length of Bay Front Court, all along the north side of Keene’s Bay and then up 2.8 to the drive by the boat barns and then down Lazy Acres Road and out to the docks, then back up the west side of the park drive and all the way around the court to home. It turned out to be about 2.25 miles–a little over 5K steps. I walked mostly at a pretty good pace, but also some of it was leisurely. I even skipped on the road by the boat barns because…
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Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 7
I’ve been thinking about sister Kate a lot today. Sometimes I can’t remember her face very well and that scares me because I don’t want to forget her face. She had a great face and the best smile and laugh ever. I’m at the lake and I don’t have all my photos handy here on my laptop. so I got on Facebook and found pictures of her–it’s a great face, but I still can’t look at the pictures without getting weepy. As I looked at FB pictures, I found the one of our mom that Kate had put up on FB at some point–Mother’s Day maybe or Mom’s birthday–May 13,…
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Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 6
Several people have messaged me privately to suggest that I speak to my doctor about the funk and maybe think about getting some chemical help. I appreciate their care and concern so very much–how kind they are to share their stories and tell me how SSRIs have helped them get through a rough patch. It’s wonderful that such drugs exist and that they really do help so many people. Fact is, I can’t take SSRIs–I tried once, several years ago when menopause was knocking the holy crap out of me. My doctor at the time put me on an antidepressant, hoping to help me stop crying, which I was pretty…
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Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 5
It’s Easter Sunday, and a day I thought would be hard turned out to be a blessing–full of sunshine and joy. I wasn’t sure about going to church because I knew it would be emotional to be there without Kate. But you know, it was okay–good, even. The sanctuary was gorgeous all decorated with spring flowers and a beautiful artistic representation of Christ’s ascension to heaven. The tulips and daffodils and hyacinths brought spring right into the service. The music was amazing and the sermon inspired. It was almost as if Kate knew what I needed and she and God just laid it all out for me–it was too perfect…
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Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 4
Sometimes clarity comes because you’re having a pretty okay day. Today was pretty okay. I got my hair blonded and cut and I worked. Did the rest of the first read-through on my current editing gig. Great story! I love it when a story captures me to the point that doing any kind of editing is pointless until I’ve read the whole thing through first. Finished it this afternoon and started the actual edit, but it’s mostly mechanics. This is a first-rate writing and I love it! Tonight, we watched the newest episode of Outlander. I confess I’m hooked–as hooked as I was/am on the novels. These books are huge–both…