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Mother’s Day
I’m not a giant fan of Mother’s Day or Father’s Day or really, anyone day–only because I’m not convinced we need a special day to celebrate Moms or Dads or Grandparents. We should be celebrating family everyday. and with our actions and words, not with gifts/cards that seem to benefit only big business. But, I’m also not curmudgeonly about people who do celebrate these days. I’m very happy to wish all my friends who are moms a wonderful day. So, Happy Mother’s Day! In fact, to honor my own mom, here’s a post from a couple of years ago–entitled “Mom’s Way.” It’s about my mom… and me… and how often…
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Thursday at the Lake
Yeah, we’re at the lake–and you know, it’s amazing how much more relaxed I am here, how much more relaxed we both are here. I woke up early and we had a leisurely breakfast and then I went to the grocery since we got in too late last night to hit the store. I took my time and wandered some, mostly to get in steps, but also because I felt no urgency. And that’s the beauty of the lake–no urgency. Seriously. we are so laid back here. We did some yard work and Husband painted the deck, which really needed to be done, but he took it slow and easy.…
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Still Here…
…and I think what I learned from the 30 Days of Blogging is that I’m not really in search of clarity at all–I’m looking for relief from the sorrow, respite from the often-overwhelming sad of losing Kate. I’m wishing that writing might make the tears less imminent and the lump in my throat easier to swallow. I guess that has happened to some small extent, but I’m still teary when I speak of her or when I see something that makes me think of her or when people ask me how I’m coping. The good news is I am coping. Life is going on. I’m working, I’m writing, I’m lunching…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 30
Well, how typical! My last blog in this adventure and I’m 42 minutes late with it. Are we even surprised? Although, I actually have a good reason for not getting here until 12:42–I was writing. A scene for the new WOWB book has been nudging me and I just needed to get it down, so I started writing right after I talked to Husband around ten p.m. or so and just closed the file on 3,769 words. It felt good–damn good! Today’s picture is from 2005, when Son got his Master’s degree. We had a party for him and Kate was there–this is her with our niece’s little boy. Isn’t…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 29
Two more days of this… experiment… this commitment… whatever this is. Mostly it’s been me rambling, trying to figure out how to make it better. But you know, it’s probably not going to be all better right now–although each day, it’s a little bit easier. Maybe… Today, I worked and it was good. I can fall into a project and stay there and forget that life is different now, that it will always be different because Kate isn’t here anymore. I love working… even when projects are tough and frustrating, I still love to work. It’s that whole fixing thing–I’m a fixer. I like fixing things. You know, it’s funny.…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 28
Another good day–how lovely that they’re more frequent and I kinda think that writing is helping that happen. Another thing that’s happening is that the people in my head are talking to me again. Ideas are spinning round and I’m plotting and dialoguing and building characters. I’m in Discovery–which, according to my wondrous editor Lani involves not just thinking about my book, but also absorbing narrative with books and movies and TV. I didn’t do a soundtrack for my last book, but this one, I think, needs a soundtrack, so I’ve started listening to music on my iPod and figuring out which songs will work for this story. And I’m…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 27
I woke up this morning very early and watched the sun rise from my bed. I was thinking about what a good time PJ and I had yesterday sharing church and lunch and then attending the Stuart McLean show together. It was a good sister day. I want so much to be the sister that PJ deserves because PJ is a good woman who should always have people in her life who love her and take care of her. She’s had some tragedy in her life with the loss of her precious boy and now, our Kate. She and Kate shared an especially close relationship–they were “the big kids” and…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 26
I’m early today because it’s been a good day, so I’m posting this now and then I’m going to spend the evening cuddling with Husband on the sofa and… well… elsewhere later on. Hey, I’m a romance novelist–it’s my privilege to be a little racy now and again, right? We went to church and I only cried a little. Honestly, the folks in that dear congregation are going to think my eyes are permanently damp and red-rimmed. But you know, it was better this Sunday. No big overwhelming choking feeling in my throat, no deep ache in my heart. Just a little sadness that Kate wasn’t sitting beside me in…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 25
Clarity–is that even anything that’s possible? Maybe I’m trying to find something that will never be there, trying to make sense of something that won’t ever make sense. I don’t buy that God wanted Kate with him or that her cancer and death were his will for her. I think that’s crap. If I don’t believe that it’s always God’s will that people are healthy and strong and that we live, then that shakes the very foundation of my faith. I have to know that God is a loving father and no loving father would ever want for his child to be sick or to die. I do know that.…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 24
Nothing but joy today–it’s true. It has been a joyful, peaceful day and I’m so thankful for it. We just got home from the Allisonville Christian Church–Arts at Allisonville production of The Wizard of Oz. Who knew there could be so much talent in one congregation and tonight’s event just made us even happier we’ve thrown our lot in with this wonderful church. Delightful play and even more delightful players, including my sister PJ, who was a townsperson in Oz and in the chorus. So fun to watch her up there! This morning, I went to the gym and spent an hour working hard in the pool–it felt great! Then…