I’ve been doing it again . . . stressing. The knot in my stomach is present again in spite of just having spent ten days with our darling Grandboy. I can’t even say why it’s there, except that I think it has something to do with not writing. Oh, I’ve written blog posts and thought about my novels, but I’m not writing regularly, so there’s that space inside me that’s empty. And I know that if I fill it with stress and worry, my body and my mind will suffer. And at this point in time, my body is doing pretty well. I’m down about 25 pounds and the diverticulitis is well controlled–no pain–and the arthritis is doing okay. Some aches here and there, but if I move enough each day (and not too much), then I’m okay.
My mind is another story–everything is mushy. I’ve been feeling pushed and hurried, although I have no reason to be. All my focus has been on working–editing gigs are rolling in and I’m pleased as I can be about that and I’m really, really enjoying being the copy editor to the stars–several of my authors are very well-known and loved in the romance field. Plus I love working with the few indies I edit for because watching their writing grow is so rewarding. But I need to write! I want to write! So why am I not writing?
For one thing, I’m stressing about the state of the world–the state of our country. I’m angry about Orlando and I’m angry about politics and I’m angry about guns and I’m . . . just pissed! Which is not at all like me. I’m Pollyanna–I always find the good in everything. But I’m frustrated by the evening news and scared for our country and worried to death about what will happen in the November elections. It feels like we are a powder keg waiting to explode when someone tosses a careless match. I don’t like feeling this way . . .
Also as far as the writing is concerned, there may be a little bit of holding my breath happening right now because I’m waiting to hear from some editors about the Women of Willow Bay–something I’ll explain later when I know more. Suffice to say my career feels like it’s on hold. Like I can’t move forward with new stories because I’m in limbo about where the series and my writing life is headed. And yes, that does sound like a lame excuse. It is a lame excuse. So . . . I’m going to make an effort here. I’m going to blog here more regularly, even if it’s just a check in or link to an interesting article or a gratitude list. I have this great space where I can get some good writing in, I need to use it.
My gratitude for today: I’m grateful for the beautiful flowers in our perennial beds around the house–they’re lovely; for my friends who always listen, even when all I do is whine; a fresh mani/pedi; icy beverages and crisp salads; and a call from Son this morning–it always makes me happy to hear his voice.