Gratitude,  Musings,  This Life...

More Days Later

. . . I don’t want to count them and besides, getting particular about this kind of stuff does nothing at all for the knot in my stomach, so let’s just say, here I am again, checking in.

worrier yogaLife goes along . . . we’re enjoying some lovely spring-like days in February, which probably means March will be a nasty bear, but maybe not. Sometimes we just get a soft winter and an easy spring that slides right into lovely summer days. We got some outside stuff done and I’m still working quite a bit on editing gigs. We’re enjoying Wednesday Lenten Study at church and sad that Downton Abbey is ending. Yeah, we’re those kind of PBS freaks–what can I say? Son and DIL and Grandboy seem to be fine at the moment. I pray for them daily that their lives will be smooth and free of chaos and drama. Not always possible, but when it comes, I have faith they will handle whatever happens together.

My body is my big issue right now–the weight is coming off pretty well and I’m so happy about that, but my diverticulitis kicked up again and the antibiotics are playing havoc with my insides. I’ve decided to go ahead and have the CAT scan when this exacerbation is over because it will help me unknot–always a good thing. I’m spending way too much time worrying over whether this is something worse than mere diverticulitis. I want to know if there’s anything else going wrong in there or if the diverticulitis might need something more than antibiotics. I confess it’s taken me too long to come to this decision–asking for a CAT scan–but there is that part of me that doesn’t want to know. Fear that they will find something awful like they did with Kate and Dee makes me pretty much terrified, but on the other hand, not knowing that all is well is keeping the knot active and thrumming inside me. So . . . calling the doc tomorrow morning and getting things rolling.

howard arthritisThen there’s the knee–crap, crap, crap, the knee. I know it’s arthritis and I know I probably need to have the damn joint replaced, but holy snikeys, I want to wait a little bit longer. Everyone I know who’s had knee replacement has been overjoyed at the result, so what is my problem here? Well, money, first of all. My health insurance deductible is pretty high and I’d have to cough up a big buttload of cash up front. And I’m not at all sure I’m prepared at this point in time to deal with the surgery/healing/recuperation thing right now. It’s seemed as though I’ve wandered from crisis to crisis in the last couple of years and I’d really love a whole summer of no worry. On the other hand (there’s always an other hand, right?), do I want to spend another year dealing with the pain I’m in now? Hmmmm . . .

All in all, I’m good. I am. And I’m grateful for plenty of work, medical science, Husband, who is so dear and loving, for Son, Grandboy and DIL, for the Lenten Study, for Allisonville Christian Church,  and for the sunshine we’re enjoying today.


  • Rebecca Warner

    Hi Nan, I appreciate this post. I sure understand the reluctance in getting a CAT scan, especially considering your experience. But I always feel it’s better to know. I feel the same way about mammograms. So I tell myself, I’m looking forward to hearing that everything is just fine. If I approach it with a positive attitude, I let go of the dear more easily. So much to be worried about as we age, right? Its wonderful that you are losing weight, and I would wait and see if your knee feels better when you get to your targeted weight. Maybe the arthritis pain will let up. Also, have you talked to a doctor about a steroid injection? Hubby had severe thumb joint arthritis pain, both hands, and the shots were somewhat miraculous! 90% reduction in pain! So, ask your doctor about that before you seriously consider a knee replacement. I have a high deductible too, I feel your pain there…haha, bad pun. Expect the CAT scan to bring good news, and I’ll say a prayer for you, my friend. And look into a Health Savings Account, the tax savings helps offset the expense. Later, sweet lady!

    • Nan

      So glad you stopped by, Rebecca! Yep to all you said! I’m going to go into the CAT scan with a positive attitude–just verifying that all is well. Hoping the weight loss will help the knees, although the ortho guy has already told me the right one is pretty bad. It’s had two shots already–one that worked for quite a while and second one this past fall that did nothing at all. Oh, and I just began my HSA a couple of weeks ago–love that concept! Hugs, baby!! Thanks for all the support and positive energy!!