Musings
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I’m Working…and Musing…
…and for that I am grateful. It feels like often, I moan about having to do editing gigs, but really, it’s okay. It’s good to work and I love my job. I know how fortunate I am to have this kind of job–one where I can stay home and do the work in my jammies with my window open to the lovely breeze outside. I’m also getting more and more fiction work, which is so terrific! I love editing fiction! Seriously, after 25 years of working on computer titles, fiction is a very welcome change. I sometimes wonder how much longer I’ll be able to be a copyeditor. I hope…
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Gratitude
I’m working. I’ve been working all day and I will be working into the night, but it’s been a beautiful day! Blue sky, cool, and breezy—it feels like Michigan. Actually Husband said that to me earlier today. This editing gig is not fascinating—a computer title—but it’s work and they’re paying me and this is for one of my very favorite clients. My window looks out on the yard outside the cottage and the trees and my neighbors potted flowers. It’s quite lovely. The picture is a little funky because I took it through the screen. We finished up the cottage guest room this morning–well, Husband did. He painted one wall…
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Providing the Normal
Sunday at the lake–it’s kind of a cloudy cool morning and Husband and I are on our laptops, just doing our respective stuff, sipping coffee, and chatting. It’s comfortable, easy–a nice life. And it’s made me start thinking about how blessed I am to have this life. A couple of years ago, I blogged gratitude every evening and I’m thinking I should probably reinstate that practice because when life gets harried, I lose sight of what a great life I have and how so many others don’t have such a great life. Last night, I talked to my dear friend, Lucy, who’s on her way home from spending a few…
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Happy Birthday, Mom
May 13 is my mother’s birthday. If she’d lived, she’d be 88 years old today, but she died when she was only 60. I can’t even imagine Mom at 88 years old, although I can promise you, she’d be a totally unique 88-year-old. Picture dangly earrings, a long gypsy skirt, and a full-sleeved, colorful gauzy top. You see, Mom was born about 25 years too early. She should have been a hippie–she would’ve been great at it. I can so imagine her in Haight-Ashbury in the late ’60s, weaving daisies into her hair, dancing with bracelets and anklets jingling, and wishing peace and love to tourists and passersby–the ultimate flower…
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It’s Real…
So many times since December 19, I’ve thought, okay, now it’s real. Kate is dead. Seeing her just moments after she passed—my precious sister so peaceful and beautiful—was one of those moments obviously. Talking to my brother that same day and feeling the pain of his grief over losing our sister—that surely made it real. Not spending Christmas Eve with her was another. Her memorial service was a real big one—yeah, that was “it’s real” time, absolutely. But in between those kinds of moments are the ones where I can pretend that none of this ever happened. Kate never got sick, cancer didn’t destroy her. She’s at work, keeping Dr.…
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Mother’s Day
I’m not a giant fan of Mother’s Day or Father’s Day or really, anyone day–only because I’m not convinced we need a special day to celebrate Moms or Dads or Grandparents. We should be celebrating family everyday. and with our actions and words, not with gifts/cards that seem to benefit only big business. But, I’m also not curmudgeonly about people who do celebrate these days. I’m very happy to wish all my friends who are moms a wonderful day. So, Happy Mother’s Day! In fact, to honor my own mom, here’s a post from a couple of years ago–entitled “Mom’s Way.” It’s about my mom… and me… and how often…
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Thursday at the Lake
Yeah, we’re at the lake–and you know, it’s amazing how much more relaxed I am here, how much more relaxed we both are here. I woke up early and we had a leisurely breakfast and then I went to the grocery since we got in too late last night to hit the store. I took my time and wandered some, mostly to get in steps, but also because I felt no urgency. And that’s the beauty of the lake–no urgency. Seriously. we are so laid back here. We did some yard work and Husband painted the deck, which really needed to be done, but he took it slow and easy.…
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Still Here…
…and I think what I learned from the 30 Days of Blogging is that I’m not really in search of clarity at all–I’m looking for relief from the sorrow, respite from the often-overwhelming sad of losing Kate. I’m wishing that writing might make the tears less imminent and the lump in my throat easier to swallow. I guess that has happened to some small extent, but I’m still teary when I speak of her or when I see something that makes me think of her or when people ask me how I’m coping. The good news is I am coping. Life is going on. I’m working, I’m writing, I’m lunching…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 30
Well, how typical! My last blog in this adventure and I’m 42 minutes late with it. Are we even surprised? Although, I actually have a good reason for not getting here until 12:42–I was writing. A scene for the new WOWB book has been nudging me and I just needed to get it down, so I started writing right after I talked to Husband around ten p.m. or so and just closed the file on 3,769 words. It felt good–damn good! Today’s picture is from 2005, when Son got his Master’s degree. We had a party for him and Kate was there–this is her with our niece’s little boy. Isn’t…
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Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 29
Two more days of this… experiment… this commitment… whatever this is. Mostly it’s been me rambling, trying to figure out how to make it better. But you know, it’s probably not going to be all better right now–although each day, it’s a little bit easier. Maybe… Today, I worked and it was good. I can fall into a project and stay there and forget that life is different now, that it will always be different because Kate isn’t here anymore. I love working… even when projects are tough and frustrating, I still love to work. It’s that whole fixing thing–I’m a fixer. I like fixing things. You know, it’s funny.…