Sunday Snippet: The December Mourning to Joy Edition

Yesterday was the 11-year anniversary of my sister, Kate’s, death. On December 19, 2014, cancer stole Kate from me. It’s always a hard day, but this year felt harder … weepier than usual. Not sure why. Maybe because the state of the world has left my emotions raw and simmering close to the edge since last Christmas. I’m exhausted with worry and fear and cringing at whatever’s next.

But Kate’s was a quiet, peaceful passing. She had dealt with health issues for some time, but by the time we discovered what was happening, the cancer had spread and her body had no more fight in it. Three months after the diagnosis, she came home from rehab on a Thursday evening to hospice care. She might have set a record for least amount of time in hospice–about twelve hours. On Friday morning, she told her husband she saw our mom in the corner. He said, “You can go with her if you like.” Kate closed her eyes and ten  minutes later took her last breath.

Husband and I were on our way over to see her that morning with new jammies and flowers. We were only about two blocks from their house when my niece called with the news that Kate was gone. I’d brought Manny and Co.: A Christmas Story (a book written by Charles H. Sylvester in 1913) along with me, the sweet holiday story that Mom read to us every December 24, because I wanted Kate to hear it one last time.

That was the last time I opened that book until this morning, when I opened it to take the pictures you see here, and I confess my heart hurt and I got a lump in my throat when I pulled it off the bookshelf. That book is out of print now, so copies are difficult to locate, but it’s still out there if you look hard enough.

Son has heard it, although I doubt he remembers “Grandma California” (my mom) reading it to us the Christmas before she died. He was only nine years old at the time.

I’ve thought about reading it to Grandboy, who loves to have books read aloud to him (Case in point, his dad read all the Harry Potter books to him a couple of summers ago!). I don’t even know if I could read it without weeping, and I don’t know that this is the Christmas to try it when there is already so many other things in the world to weep over.

Kate would tell me to woman up and read the story to my grandson just as she would read it to her grandkids if she were here. I have a visual in my imagination of Mom and Kate in the afterlife, shaking their heads that their writer feels unable to read a simple Christmas story aloud for fear of emotion taking her over. Like emotion hasn’t been a huge part of my writing for years. I believe I’ll take it with me on Christmas Day, so it’ll be in my bag should I decide to give it a try.

Meanwhile there have been and will be other joys this holiday. Last night was Yuletide and yeah, I was weepy thinking of Kate, but also full of the spirit and delighted to be there with Husband and our kids. Grandboy and Poppy had their annual cookie bake last weekend, and tomorrow, Husband and I will go over to Son’s for our annual roll & cooking baking session. We’ll watch Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas (because it was Kate’s favorite holiday film) and White Christmas. We’ll probably rewatch A Child’s Christmas in Wales because all three of us love it so much. Son’s kitchen will be redolent with the scents of yeast and molasses and cinnamon, and there will be music and laughter and joy.

Christmas Eve is my time with sister PJ and our husbands. We share a meal, go to Christmas Eve service, then come back home for dessert and presents. Christmas Day is a big family celebration at Son and DIL’s house–more food and music, games and laughter.

I’ve rambled long enough, I think, but I wanted to say this especially: None of us knows what the future will bring. Open your eyes and your heart right now to all of the joy of the season this coming week. Happy holidays to you and yours. Here’s a fun little gift from Son and the HiDives: https://www.facebook.com/reel/653210291119037

Gratitude for this Week: I’m writing! Got to spend a work day with Liz;  My poinsettia from neighbor Mary is still thriving! Yuletide with the kids was simply delightful. Lovely gift from neighbor Betty–a creche ornament to hang on our tree.     

Stay well, stay safe (masks and vaccines), always choose kindness and most of all, mes amis, stay grateful!