• Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 30

    Well, how typical! My last blog in this adventure and I’m 42 minutes late with it. Are we even surprised? Although, I actually have a good reason for not getting here until 12:42–I was writing. A scene for the new WOWB book has been nudging me and I just needed to get it down, so I started writing right after I talked to Husband around ten p.m. or so and just closed the file on 3,769 words. It felt good–damn good! Today’s picture is from 2005, when Son got his Master’s degree. We had a party for him and Kate was there–this is her with our niece’s little boy. Isn’t…

  • Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 29

    Two more days of this… experiment… this commitment… whatever this is. Mostly it’s been me rambling, trying to figure out how to make it better. But you know, it’s probably not going to be all better right now–although each day, it’s a little bit easier. Maybe… Today, I worked and it was good. I can fall into a project and stay there and forget that life is different now, that it will always be different because Kate isn’t here anymore. I love working… even when projects are tough and frustrating, I still love to work. It’s that whole fixing thing–I’m a fixer. I like fixing things. You know, it’s funny.…

  • Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 28

    Another good day–how lovely that they’re more frequent and I kinda think that writing is helping that happen. Another thing that’s happening is that the people in my head are talking to me again. Ideas are spinning round and I’m plotting and dialoguing and building characters. I’m in Discovery–which, according to my wondrous editor Lani involves not just thinking about my book, but also absorbing narrative with books and movies and TV. I didn’t do a soundtrack for my last book, but this one, I think, needs a soundtrack, so I’ve started listening to music on my iPod and figuring out which songs will work for this story. And I’m…

  • Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 18

    I spent the whole day at the IRWA Making Magic Miniconference and frankly, I’m too tired to think, let alone write. It was a great event and seeing Lani and Alastair again was fantastic!  They were inspiring and I think there’s a chance I may be ready to start work on the new book again… Thanks to the conference committee who did a wonderful job with planning, decorations, and food–everything went off without a hitch. Jillian Jacobs, Tia Catalina, Mellanie Szereto, and Tippi Hickey put together a fantastic event! Five Things I’m Grateful for Today, Spending two days with Liz Spending time with Lani and Alastair Making Magic was truly…

  • Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 16

    I quoted Lorelei Gilmore on Facebook not long ago: “I’m fine. I mean, not that I’m over it, but little by little it’s getting easier to pretend it’s easier, which means easier must be right around the corner.” The words are just exactly how I’m feeling… I pretend a lot… that Kate’s not in my mind, that I’m not still aching, that there isn’t a huge hole in me. I smile, I go about my daily life, and I even laugh and enjoy my friends and family, but it’s still there… that empty place in my heart that was my sister’s place. PJ and I went to get our nails…

  • Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 11

    Today was another funeral–well, visitation for us. Kate’s ex-husband died last week of congestive heart failure, so we went by to pay our respects even though we really haven’t had much contact with him in the over thirty years since their divorce. My heart breaks for their son and daughter (my niece and nephew), who’ve lost both their parents in the space of about 4 months. They’re both hanging in, but dear god, how painful must it be? All her little grandkids were there and I wondered how hard it must have been on their parents to tell them they’d lost another grandparent… Kate loved babies–oh, man, did she ever…

  • Nan in Search of Clarity–Day 10

    It’s National Siblings Day. All day, I’ve ached with missing Kate, but I have PJ and my brother, Bud, so I’m not feeling at all sibling-less–just less-siblinged, I guess. That’s all of four plus an assortment of kids, spouses, partners, etc. When we were kids, our dad left us–I actually remember that day clearly even though I was only 6 years old at the time. But I’m not going to think about him, except to say that I think it may have made us closer as kids to only have Mom. She was so busy when he first left, going to school and working full time to keep food on…