Sunday Snippet: The It’s Been a Tough Week Edition

I know that y’all are accustomed to happy, cheerful Nan here on the blog, and let me just say upfront, I’m okay. But it’s been a really hard week and I am blaming wicked cancer and getting old.

My bestie’s husband passed last Saturday after an incredibly aggressive cancer took over his body. It was so fast, we barely had a moment to breathe after his diagnosis before he was home on hospice and then gone. His memorial gathering was on Thursday and what a glorious tribute it was to a good, good man–a husband, father, grandpa, musician, and very recently, a great-grandpa. So many folks came to pay their respects, and I only had a moment with my bestie, but it was a moment we both needed. I hung out to give my condolences to her kids and just watch how loved he was. On my way home, I turned off the car radio and  sang all the verses of “Love Lifted Me” that I could remember. And even though I can’t sing worth a damn, I hope he heard me and knows I’ll bring whatever light I can to her as she goes through this dark time.

Then, another old friend checked in and let me know that she has terminal ovarian cancer and right now, she’s being treated palliatively. This is her third bout with wicked cancer, and she is such a fighter, but this one is bigger than her, and I am heartbroken. She also shared that her husband has kidney cancer. Sigh.

I have another friend who is dealing with a husband who is falling into Alzheimer’s and he is disappearing so scary fast, while another friend’s husband’s body is simply beginning to shut down with age and other factors.

I know that my reactions to these situations my dear friends are in is a minor thing compared to what they are coping with right now, but oh, how helpless I feel and there is deep, deep sadness that sometimes aging is not golden at all. Even I am dealing with knee arthritis issues right now and may soon have to face a big decision about what to do with my right knee. (I’m going for an x-ray this week.) Y’all already know that it is four miracle drugs that are keeping my failing heart beating… I’ve said it before… getting old is not for cowards.

I try very hard to keep my light burning, to be chipper, and to always remember to be grateful for the joys and blessings in my life. Last night, I was reminded how blessed I am when we went to Son and DIL’s house for my belated birthday celebration. I’ve made it to 73, when I never believed I’d live past 60, so there’s a big joy right there. Son made Irish stew with Guinness, DIL made a gorgeous salad and we sprinkled her fresh herbs on it, and Grandboy is smart and funny and gives such fabulous hugs. There were lovely gifts and an ice cream cake and a hilarious old movie to watch. It was restorative.

I list my gratitude here every week, and I am grateful always, truly I am, but man… it’s been a tough week. And sometimes you just have to let yourself be sad, don’t you?

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Gratitude for This Week: Got the boat pulled, winterized, and into storage (thanks Ken!); spent a couple of hours on our deck with our lake neighbors on Friday night-so lovely to get to know them better; took a drive to a state park and wandered the prairie; color is starting to show on trees here in the Midwest–another week or two and we’ll be blazing; good to see my city neighbor after two weeks away.

Stay well, keep speaking out, and Vote, Vote, Vote! Always choose kindness, and most of all, mes amis, stay grateful!