Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 27

I woke up this morning very early and watched the sun rise from my bed. I was thinking about what a good time PJ and I had yesterday sharing church and lunch and then attending the Stuart McLean show together. It was a good sister day.

I want so much to be the sister that PJ deserves because PJ is a good woman who should always have people in her life who love her and take care of her. She’s had some tragedy in her life with the loss of her precious boy and now, our Kate. She and Kate shared an especially close relationship–they were “the big kids” and Bud, my brother and I were “the little kids.” I don’t think Mom meant to divide us that way, it just sorta happened like that by virtue of our birth order, I guess.

But the division occurred nonetheless, and although I loved my sisters and still love them dearly, I always felt on the outside of their relationship–like a child outside in the cold with her nose pressed against the window of a warm house. They both would be so sad to know that I felt that way and most likely Kate would be the first to give me a tap on the back of the head and tell me to “snap out of it!” So this isn’t their problem at all, it’s mine. They never excluded me. They were simply a unit–“the big kids”–“PJ and Kate,” like salt and pepper. I regret not spending more time with Kate, but our lives were so different for such a long time, and now…well… now all I can do is be a better sister for PJ.

Five Things I’m Grateful for Today:

1. Gardens in front are ready for spring.
2. I got a call from a new client today–so excited to test for them!
3. Trip to Costco meant a new coffeemaker.
4. Talked to Grandboy, who told me he sang a song and jumped on the carpet at school.
5. Husband is really getting a kick out his new mower. Fun!